I was away for a job interview in London at the start of the week and whilst I was there I decided to stay for a few days with Amanda....well, actually, she practically begged me to stay, not that it took much begging on her behalf. I am getting worried about her. After asking how she was, she basically reeled off every classic symptom of depression, yet she still denies that she has a problem. There are times in the past where I’ve felt like I’ve gotten through to her about this but give it a day and then she’s back where she was before; in complete denial. I can’t really blame her for it, it took me the best part of three years to accept I had a problem, but then I didn’t have a sufferer of depression telling me that I was suffering from depression. We made a deal in the end as she’s just as worried about me as I am her. She wants me to go see a doctor about medication and if I do that she’ll go see one about her depression. According to her, now that I don’t have Henrik to rely on, I’m in need of medication even more than before and the fact I pushed him away is a clear sign I need help. I obviously find it hard to accept. I don’t like the thought that I can’t get through this on my own, that I need medication or some guy...albeit one I’m very fond of...to deal with life.
Despite this, I’m starting to regret pushing Henrik away like I did, though deep down I knew it was the most sensible thing to do. It was far too dangerous to rely so heavily on someone who was so far away from me and who I could only contact through email or MSN. But remembering back to times when he was there and helped me through some of my lowest points, I can’t help regretting the decision. I can’t go back on it though, not now, so I guess things are up to him now, he can email back if he disagrees with my decision or he can get on with his life knowing he won’t have the burden of dealing with my hysterical moments. The latter just seems so much more appealing doesn’t it.
Showing posts with label Anti-Depressants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anti-Depressants. Show all posts
Saturday, 26 July 2008
Sunday, 13 July 2008
Birthday Dilemmas
“After all, what are birthdays? Here today and gone tomorrow.”
- Eeyore (from A. A. Milne’s ‘Winnie the Pooh’)
Another year gone. I’ve now officially been on this planet for 19 years and I’m trying to work out where the time has gone. This is the problem I have with birthdays, I can’t help looking back and reflecting on what I’ve done since the last one, and my thoughts aren’t sitting well with me. On one hand you could say that I’ve achieved a fair bit during the last year; I’ve finally come to terms with my depression, I’m getting weekly counselling sessions during term time, I’m slowly getting over my views on anti-depression medication, I’ve successfully completed my first year in university...all things which show that I’m moving on in my life, so why do I feel that the opposite is true?
My counsellor and doctors would probably tell you that my battle with depression has moved on immensely since my last birthday. I don’t disagree with them that accepting that I suffer from the condition is a big step in the right direction, but looking back, I can’t see what has changed. For example, I still can’t bring myself to tell people about my illness, I still have major problems when it comes to talking face-to-face with someone about my feelings; I hide emotions and hide my true self. I feel that the depression itself has gotten worse. Compared to last year, my general happiness is much lower; my depressive episodes are more frequent, last longer and are more severe. I am finding myself feeling vulnerable and considering suicide far more often than the previous year and I have found myself coming far too close to giving into these thoughts.
So here I am, on my birthday, sitting here desperately wanting to cry but my body, so used to hiding such emotion, is refusing to let the tears fall. I feel like a failure. I’m letting this illness take over my life. It’s making me lie to my friends and family, it’s causing me so much conflict in my head that I rarely get over six hours sleep at night, basically it makes me feel shit and I can’t see it changing. It makes me wonder, what will I be thinking in a year’s time? Will I be looking back like I always do and seeing an improvement in my life, or will I be seeing how my depression has taken over more of my life and be in an even bigger state of despair and worthlessness?
One question is even more prominent.
Will I even be here in a year’s time...?
- Eeyore (from A. A. Milne’s ‘Winnie the Pooh’)
Another year gone. I’ve now officially been on this planet for 19 years and I’m trying to work out where the time has gone. This is the problem I have with birthdays, I can’t help looking back and reflecting on what I’ve done since the last one, and my thoughts aren’t sitting well with me. On one hand you could say that I’ve achieved a fair bit during the last year; I’ve finally come to terms with my depression, I’m getting weekly counselling sessions during term time, I’m slowly getting over my views on anti-depression medication, I’ve successfully completed my first year in university...all things which show that I’m moving on in my life, so why do I feel that the opposite is true?
My counsellor and doctors would probably tell you that my battle with depression has moved on immensely since my last birthday. I don’t disagree with them that accepting that I suffer from the condition is a big step in the right direction, but looking back, I can’t see what has changed. For example, I still can’t bring myself to tell people about my illness, I still have major problems when it comes to talking face-to-face with someone about my feelings; I hide emotions and hide my true self. I feel that the depression itself has gotten worse. Compared to last year, my general happiness is much lower; my depressive episodes are more frequent, last longer and are more severe. I am finding myself feeling vulnerable and considering suicide far more often than the previous year and I have found myself coming far too close to giving into these thoughts.
So here I am, on my birthday, sitting here desperately wanting to cry but my body, so used to hiding such emotion, is refusing to let the tears fall. I feel like a failure. I’m letting this illness take over my life. It’s making me lie to my friends and family, it’s causing me so much conflict in my head that I rarely get over six hours sleep at night, basically it makes me feel shit and I can’t see it changing. It makes me wonder, what will I be thinking in a year’s time? Will I be looking back like I always do and seeing an improvement in my life, or will I be seeing how my depression has taken over more of my life and be in an even bigger state of despair and worthlessness?
One question is even more prominent.
Will I even be here in a year’s time...?
Wednesday, 9 July 2008
Media Opinions; CBT and Depression
I read an article in the Independent earlier today on the effectiveness of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) in treating depression. Here in the UK, the prescription of anti-depressants has been widely criticized, many articles have been written about the potentially harmful side effects, how they are overprescribed, and questions have been raised asking whether they actually work or whether it’s a placebo effect that causes people to feel just that little bit better. After such articles, doctors have been less willing to prescribe medication and now turn to CBT as their first choice of treatment. Now it seems that this shouldn’t be first choice treatment either.
CBT is a type of therapy which concentrates on behaviour and assumptions. It aims to get people to change negative feelings into more positive ones by suggesting new ways of looking at things, replacing the irrational thoughts with more rational and self-helping ones. According to the cognitive theory of depression written by the psychiatrist Aaron Beck, depressed people think the way they do because their thinking is biased towards negative interpretations. These negative thoughts follow a type of pattern and through CBT, a depressed person is helped to break these trends and change their perception on events in their life. According to the facts and numbers, it works. One course of CBT is likely to produce 12 extra months free of depression. So why is it getting criticized?
It was described in the article as a quick fix to the problems depression causes. Unlike other forms of therapy, it doesn’t look deeply into the cause of the depression in the first place. Also its effectiveness at treating major depression is put to question. Personally, I can see where they are coming from. Even though CBT wasn’t suggested to me, looking back, my school counsellor seemed to use those types of techniques. She focused very much on dealing with my feelings there and then rather than why I was feeling them. She would often tell me to try and look on the more positive side of things, try to tell me that I had more reasons to feel happy than sad. Now I’m not saying this is the best example of CBT, I decided long ago that my school counsellor must have gotten her qualification from a Christmas cracker so using her sessions as an example isn’t the most accurate thing in the world, but I’m not sure that CBT would be the best treatment for me. To me it does seem like it just treats the symptoms rather than treating the cause. But I can’t argue with the facts. CBT has been proven to work and I think for mild or moderate depression it should be considered a first choice, if it’s right for the patient that is. For sufferers of major depression and bipolar...in my opinion, no. If someone is having frequent suicidal thoughts for instance, you have to look into why they feel like they do, delve a little deeper than just treating the emotions felt.
Reading the article brought to light another concern for me. Depression is a hard thing to diagnose correctly and an even harder thing to treat. There isn’t a ‘one treatment fixes all’ solution. The media are very quick to point out problems in the treatment and diagnosis. Obviously CBT works, but just not for everyone. Anti-depressants work for some people but not for everyone. The first sign of a treatment not working, the media seem to jump on it. I’m not sure doctors know what the best cause of treatment is anymore and I can’t see how all these articles are going to help. For someone who thinks that they are potentially depressed, aren’t they going to be put off by all this confusion? I have to admit, when it comes to anti-depressants, I have been influenced by the media’s dislike towards them. After reading article upon article highlighting the down points of taking them, I’m currently stubbornly going against my doctors’ opinion and taking a substitute option instead which are anti-anxiety tablets. Anxiety isn’t even a major part of my depression. I know I’m slowly coming around to the idea of taking anti-depressants, after being told by my counsellor, my doctor and Henrik, I’m starting to accept that I may need them. But how many others have also been influenced? How many others are putting off seeing a doctor due to things written and reported by the media? I say they should start telling people how these treatments are helping people rather than concentrating on the negative side of it all. Personally, I think the media need to book themselves in for their own session of CBT.
CBT is a type of therapy which concentrates on behaviour and assumptions. It aims to get people to change negative feelings into more positive ones by suggesting new ways of looking at things, replacing the irrational thoughts with more rational and self-helping ones. According to the cognitive theory of depression written by the psychiatrist Aaron Beck, depressed people think the way they do because their thinking is biased towards negative interpretations. These negative thoughts follow a type of pattern and through CBT, a depressed person is helped to break these trends and change their perception on events in their life. According to the facts and numbers, it works. One course of CBT is likely to produce 12 extra months free of depression. So why is it getting criticized?
It was described in the article as a quick fix to the problems depression causes. Unlike other forms of therapy, it doesn’t look deeply into the cause of the depression in the first place. Also its effectiveness at treating major depression is put to question. Personally, I can see where they are coming from. Even though CBT wasn’t suggested to me, looking back, my school counsellor seemed to use those types of techniques. She focused very much on dealing with my feelings there and then rather than why I was feeling them. She would often tell me to try and look on the more positive side of things, try to tell me that I had more reasons to feel happy than sad. Now I’m not saying this is the best example of CBT, I decided long ago that my school counsellor must have gotten her qualification from a Christmas cracker so using her sessions as an example isn’t the most accurate thing in the world, but I’m not sure that CBT would be the best treatment for me. To me it does seem like it just treats the symptoms rather than treating the cause. But I can’t argue with the facts. CBT has been proven to work and I think for mild or moderate depression it should be considered a first choice, if it’s right for the patient that is. For sufferers of major depression and bipolar...in my opinion, no. If someone is having frequent suicidal thoughts for instance, you have to look into why they feel like they do, delve a little deeper than just treating the emotions felt.
Reading the article brought to light another concern for me. Depression is a hard thing to diagnose correctly and an even harder thing to treat. There isn’t a ‘one treatment fixes all’ solution. The media are very quick to point out problems in the treatment and diagnosis. Obviously CBT works, but just not for everyone. Anti-depressants work for some people but not for everyone. The first sign of a treatment not working, the media seem to jump on it. I’m not sure doctors know what the best cause of treatment is anymore and I can’t see how all these articles are going to help. For someone who thinks that they are potentially depressed, aren’t they going to be put off by all this confusion? I have to admit, when it comes to anti-depressants, I have been influenced by the media’s dislike towards them. After reading article upon article highlighting the down points of taking them, I’m currently stubbornly going against my doctors’ opinion and taking a substitute option instead which are anti-anxiety tablets. Anxiety isn’t even a major part of my depression. I know I’m slowly coming around to the idea of taking anti-depressants, after being told by my counsellor, my doctor and Henrik, I’m starting to accept that I may need them. But how many others have also been influenced? How many others are putting off seeing a doctor due to things written and reported by the media? I say they should start telling people how these treatments are helping people rather than concentrating on the negative side of it all. Personally, I think the media need to book themselves in for their own session of CBT.
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